Happy to be Home

After cheating on my very low calorie diet, I felt amazing!  I decided that I was going to have to give it up and just lose the weight slower.  I have actually had the energy to exercise, and even though I have definitely 'felt the burn' it has felt great.  I have gained back a few lbs, but I am still below what I was when I started the diet, so hopefully it will stay that way. But... if I have done my math correctly, I will have to mow the yard for four hours and run 15 miles today, just to make up for all of the crappy kind of calories that I ate yesterday (in case you couldn't guess, that is NOT going to happen).
Lexi and I left the house at 4:00 a.m. yesterday morning and headed to Tulsa.  A very good friend of mine lost her 16 year old nephew who lived in Tulsa in a car accident, and Lexi and I went to the funeral.  You should read this: http://www.floralhaven.com/obituary/user/show/template?id=44670 
That does not even come close to describing the wonderful young man that I did not know, but heard so many good things about, and who was an inspiration to many.
First of all, I need to mention that I do not believe that I fully function on anything less than eight hours of sleep.  In order to attend the funeral, I had to get my homework done that was due Friday, so I stayed up until about 11:00 Thursday night completing it, then woke up at 3:40.  I had packed water and apples in an attempt to eat healthy, but I screwed that up within five minutes of the house, by getting a cappuccino to wake my lazy butt up.  When we got to Springfield, Lexi was hungry and wanted McDonald's.  I pull up to the drive-through and look at the menu, as silly as it sounds, I feel like I need to choose really fast so that the car behind me doesn't have to wait.  I do not see anything that I think I can eat while driving that looks even remotely healthy, so I go for broke and order my favorite food from McDonald's, a sausage and cheese bagel.  I do not think there is anything on the breakfast menu that is more unhealthy than that.
As we drive through Oklahoma on I-44/Will Rogers Turnpike, we decide that we better have a snack just in case the funeral takes  really long time, so we won't be starving by the time it is over.  Good decision 1 of 2 for the day, we each eat an apple.  We also shared an apple with the man working at the toll booth, after he commented on how good it looked and offered to pay me for one, lol.
My friend had asked me to stay after the funeral and have lunch with them.  We did and it was great food provided by her sister's wonderful church family.  Although I did very good eating small servings, I think I tried a little bit of everything, including cheesecake.  It seems like once I screw-up, the entire day is screwed-up.
On our way home we stopped at the McDonald's that is over I-44 in Vinita, OK(I think), because Lexi had never been there.  Lexi had an ice cream cone and a strawberry-banana smoothie, I ordered unsweetened tea and ate another apple after we got back in the car.

The view out the window.

 We are looking out the window and you can see the reflection of the road and my arm and phone in my sunglasses.

The inside of the elevator was painted bright yellow!

We stopped at my sister's house and ended up going out to eat with her.  We ate Mexican and I really do think that I did much better than I used to.  I only ate a few chips and I stopped eating when I was full (Lexi then finished my food).  We had a wonderful time, the little restaurant had a man singing country music songs and he was very entertaining.  Kimber also chose to entertain everyone by dancing for the majority of the time.  I was exhausted by the time we left, Nixa.  By the time we got to Ava, we had been gone from the house for 17 hours and I really felt the need for just a little more caffeine before the last 30 miles, so I had a Cherry Coke.

Man singing at Mexican restaurant

Instead of being upset with myself for all of the screwing up that I did yesterday (because that never works out good for me), I asked myself what I had learned, and it was a LOT.

• Love your family and friends everyday as if it were the last, you never know when they may not be here anymore.
• It is easier to make bad choices when I am tired.
• Be the type of friend that your friends need you to be, step-up when necessary, and step-back when necessary.
• It is easier to make good choices when I plan ahead (bringing apples and water).
• I may have made some bad choices, but they are a major improvement over my choices just a few months ago.
• Although he has the ability to make me really mad sometimes; I have a really awesome husband!

I am really sore this morning from driving all day yesterday and I am pretty sure some treadmill time will help. I am headed to the basement to work on paying that ransom that the fat girl is demanding in exchange for the skinny girl!  Have a great stormy day, I am going to!

Weekend Weight Gain... Really??

So I get up this morning and weigh, just like every other morning.  If you could imagine the probability, after the weekend, like almost every other weekend; I gained weight.  Jim weighs right after I do and I weigh exactly 2 lbs more than him.  I tried to play it off like the fact that I have gained 2.5 lbs does not bother me because I expected it.  He didn't leave for work for a couple of hours this morning because it was raining.  I spent the entire two hours convincing myself that I was not going to cry, that I just needed to get back at it, and I eat an apple for breakfast.
After he leaves, I cry anyway.  I know that it never does anybody any good to wallow in self pity, but this morning I have no ambition to stop the wallowing.  Then I get myself an ice cream sandwich, might as well eat something good while I sit here and cry.
On Saturday morning, I ate an apple for breakfast then ran/walked 2 miles on the treadmill.  We then went to my sister's house to help her move, but I did very little work.  I ate 2 Taco Bell chicken soft tacos for lunch, drank a Diet 7-up, and then ate 2 pieces of Domino's pepperoni pizza and 1 bread stick for dinner.
On Sunday morning, I ate oatmeal for breakfast, walked 2 miles outside with the girls, ate a ham and turkey sandwich with lettuce and a Laughing Cow cheese wedge instead of mayo, and 1 serving of Ruffles potato chips, then an ice cream sandwich, then a very small taco with sour cream for dinner.  I added all of this into the calorie calculator website www.myfitnesspal.com and it says that on Saturday I was under my calories by 78, under my carbs by 53, over my fat by 13, over my sodium by 51.  On Sunday it says: I was over my calories by 14, under my carbs by 50, over my fat by 19, and under my sodium by 735.  The recommended numbers that it uses, is what I should be doing if I want to lose weight.
I realize that what I ate is definitely not appropriate if you are trying to lose weight, but really?  This is how bad I have to eat for two days, to have to spend the entire next week getting rid of it?  I also realize that by my age, I should accept the fact that life is not fair, but it's not!
It is very frustrating to work and work trying to lose weight, then be able to screw it up so quickly.  Results like this make me want to give up and just live with being fat, it seems like it was so much less disappointing.  I know that I am not the only person that ever does this, or feels this way, and I would love to hear what others do to get out of a funk.

The "F" Word

Yep, I said it! The "F" word is most definitely one of the dirtiest words ever!!  No, not that "F" word, the word failure.
Why didn't I start that new lifestyle change today?
Why didn't I try that new workout video today?
Why didn't I write down my goals today?
Why haven't I set goals for myself at all?
The answer to all of the questions is fear.  Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have a fear of failure.  If we set goals, then we are suddenly going to be held accountable to ourself, and possibly others.  That is a very scary concept, because we don't want to fail.
I think one of the most important factors in whether or not you will succeed is your definition of failure.  I made the decision that I was going to quit smoking, so I posted it on facebook.  I sure did not want to have to admit to everyone on facebook that I had failed!  Two days into being a non-smoker, I had a really bad day; I bought a pack of cigarettes, smoked two cigarettes then poured water over the rest of the pack and threw them in the trash.  I was thinking that if they were wet, I would not dig them out of the trash.  It would have been really easy at that point to continue smoking, what did I have to lose, I had already failed.  This is the point where your definition of failing is important.  My goal was to go from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, to being a non-smoker.  So I had to make the decision that by smoking those two cigarettes, I had not failed, I had simply hit a bump in the road of success.  I was only going to be a failure if I allowed myself to give up on my goal, which I didn't.  I am not trying to make this sound like it is easy, it isn't.  I have to give a lot of credit to my support system.  Hearing the words, 'You can do this' and 'I am so proud of you' made a huge difference for me.  You guys know who you are, and I love and appreciate you more than you know.
The same concepts apply to losing weight or exercising.  Just because you give in and binge on something you know isn't healthy, you are not a failure unless you choose to be.  Just because you have skipped a couple of days of exercising, you are not a failure unless you choose to be.  Sometimes the bumps in the road will be so small that you can easily step over them, but sometimes they will be so difficult to get over that you may have to crawl.  Just remember that crawling is better than stopping.
We didn't go to the circus yesterday because apparently I forgot how to read and the circus is next weekend.  Had a wonderful time at the ballgame last night.  My girls made some super cute cheerleaders.  We have had a lot of fun having Kimber here and I think she has had fun too.  I am now going to crawl my lazy butt to the basement and put in some treadmill time.

HCG Day 14 and a Thursday

I am pretty sure that my decision as to whether or not to stick to this HCG diet has been made for me.  I have lost another pound since yesterday, which brings my 13 day total to -11.6 lbs.  I am extremely tired of eating the same foods over and over again, but I don't see how I can not do it for a little while longer, if I continue to lose at the rate that I have been. I had someone tell me that several people they worked with were on the HCG diet, and even the women that were small and did not have that much to lose had done very well on it.  None of them had gained their weight back, but it has not been very long so I am curious as to whether it will stay off. Not sure what happened, but the person that was beating me in our competition to see who can lose 15 lbs first, gained weight since yesterday, so I am beating him as of right now, we will have to see about tomorrow.

This is my crown, as I have officially been appointed the Queen of Klutz.  Not everyone is capable of hurting their ankle, leg, hip, back, and wrist while vacuuming.  Leave it to me!! I stepped backwards onto a bowl that the little guy I was babysitting had just taken off the table, it tipped over, twisting my ankle, unable to recover, I fell backward partially catching myself with my hand, but mostly breaking my fall with my hip on the corner of the bottom trim on the cedar chest.  Although I was in a lot of pain last night, and had trouble sleeping; I feel much better this morning.  My ankle is only slightly swollen and even though I am sore all over, the only place that really hurts is my hip, but even that is not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I think that I would be able to find a way to hurt myself in a round padded room, haha.

Jim and I went to the 3rd quarter award assembly at the school this morning.  It was great!! Justus got the March DOGS Award for Fairness and Outstanding Attendance.  Jaima got on the Honor Roll w/straight A's. Alexis got on the Honor Roll and Bulldog Student Leader.  Lexi had hoped for this award because next quarter would have been her last chance to get it.  In her frustration at not getting it last quarter, she said, "How much more of a student leader can you be than being Student Council President?"  The speech that her teacher gave about her when presenting the award was actually kinda emotional.  The lady sitting next to me whose daughter had also received one said, "It almost makes you want to cry, huh?"  I am so very proud of all 3 of them.

(Couldn't get a picture of Jaima, but I tried.) 

Thursdays are very hard on my diet.  Jim works on Saturdays, so he has off on Thursdays and is here all day.  That would not be a problem if his skinny butt did not feel the need to eat, ALL DAY LONG!  So far today he has made himself 2 bacon and egg sandwiches on biscuits.  I am not even really a big fan of biscuits, but when the only starchy food I am getting is Melba toast, any kind of bread sounds appetizing.  I LOVE bacon, and just the smell of it is driving me crazy.  I had to take a break and go make myself a cup of hot tea.  In the past, I had tried to drink a lot of water when I was hungry or having a craving, and it just didn't work.  Hot tea has been the perfect solution for me, it is sweet and it seems to help me relax, just by holding the warm cup, and sipping it.  I have been drinking a cup in the morning, one in the afternoon only if I am really wanting to eat something and have already had my snack, and one in the evening after dinner.  It is decaffeinated tea and I sweeten it with Truvia.  I would love to hear what you guys do when you are having a craving, do you distract yourself with something, if so what, or try to find a healthier alternative, if so what?  We will see how many more yummy creations that he comes up with today for me to envy.  He has been running so he is getting more exercise than me right now, but I only have two more lbs before I will weigh less than him for the first time EVER!
My sister and her husband are closing on their new house tonight, yippee!  I am going to get their little girl, Kimber in the morning, and we are all going to the circus.  Mmmm, circus popcorn.  One day... I will not think about what type of food is going to be where I am going.

Spousal Support

Okay, so in the past, I have never thought that I was an emotional eater, but...  I just really thought that eating that Twinkie would make me feel better.  Of course it didn't, it only made me feel worse for giving in.  I then had a very inspiring phone conversation with a very good friend.  She reminded me that it is okay to screw up, we are all human, we just have to get right back in there.
So instead of fretting over my failure, I am going to remind myself of my success:  It has been 1 month and 9 days since I have smoked woohoo!!
During our conversation, I was also inadvertently reminded that I need to be counting my blessings.  My heart goes out to any parent who has to deal with their child being sick.
Even thought the title is 'Spousal Support', I am not referring to money.  After talking to a few other people, I realized that I was not the only person out there who was not only battling their own demons while trying to lose weight, but battling their spouse as well.  There are several reasons for this, but most of them are rooted simply in human nature: Insecurity!
When you are making changes in your life, it can be very upsetting for your spouse to figure out how they fit there.  A spouse that sabotages your self-improvement efforts does not necessarily mean to do so, and it does not mean that they do not care.  They are threatened by you putting so much effort into improving yourself, and they want to know why.
In my own personal experience, I solved this problem by putting myself out there, making myself the vulnerable one.  I truly believe that my husband wanted me to stay fat, and he wanted me to continue smoking so that I was less desirable to others.  I really am not putting my husband down, I just think that was his way of trying to ensure that he didn't lose me.  I have been married to this man for almost 14 years, and I love him with all my heart, but it was still very difficult for me to tell him how I felt.  I told him that I was tired of being fat and that I was going to do something about it.  That I was going to quit smoking, start exercising more, and figure out how to be happy with who I was.  Then I told him that I was not doing this for him, but that I wanted to do it with him.  That I loved him, and wanted to be with him no matter how much I weighed, I just wanted to be able to enjoy our life more by not being miserable.
I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say that he did a 180!  With his confidence boosted, he became more supportive of my efforts than I ever could have imagined.  I have heard the words 'you can do it' and 'good job' more from him in the past 2 months than I think I had the entire time we have been married.  I was able to change the situation simply by changing the way that I approached it.  This may not work for everyone, but I thought I would put my experience out there just in case you want to give it a try.

Water, Water, Water...

Someone posted this on a forum, I know how I can see an immediate difference when I drink water, but this article shows just how important it is.  Hope it helps.

Drink half your body weight in ounces daily is key to weight loss.

Incredible as it may seem, water is quite possibly the single most important catalyst in losing weight and keeping it off. Although most of us take it for granted, water may be the only true ”magic potion” for permanent weight loss.

 Water suppresses the appetite and helps the body metabolize stored fat.

 Studies have shown that a decrease in water intake will cause fat deposits to increase while an increase in water intake can actually reduce fat deposits. Here's why . . . The kidneys cannot function properly without enough water. When they don'twork to capacity, some of their

load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to metabolize stored fat into usable energy for the body. But if the liver has to do some of the kidney's work - it cannot operate at full throttle. As a result - it metabolizes less fat - more fat remains stored in the body and weight loss stops.

 Drinking enough water is the best treatment for fluid retention.

 When the body gets less water, it perceives this as a threat to survival and begins to hold on to every drop. Water is stored in extracellular spaces (outside the cell). This shows up as swollen feet, legs and hands. Diuretics offer a temporary solution at best. They force out stored water along with some essential nutrients. Again, the body perceives a threat and will replace the lost water at the first opportunity. Thus, the condition quickly returns. The best way to overcome the problem of water retention is to give your body what it needs . . . plenty of water. Only then will stored water be released. If you have a constant problem with water retention, excess salt may be to

blame. Your body will tolerate sodium only in a certain concentration. The more salt you eat, the more water your system retains to dilute it. But getting rid of unneeded salt is easy - just drink more water. As it is forced through the kidneys, it takes away excess sodium.

 The overweight person needs more water than the thin one.

 Large people have larger metabolic loads. Since we know that water is the key to fat metabolism - it follows that the overweight person needs more water.

 Water helps to maintain proper muscle tone

 Water helps to maintain proper muscle tone by giving muscles their natural ability to contract and by preventing dehydration. It also helps to prevent the sagging skin that usually

follows weight loss - shrinking cells are buoyed by water, which plumps the skin and leaves it

clear, healthy and resilient.

 Water helps rid the body of waste.

 During weight loss, the body has a lot of waste to get rid of - all that metabolized fat must be shed. Again, adequate water helps flush out the waste.

 Water can help get rid of constipation.

 When the body gets too little water, it siphons what it needs from internal sources. The colon is a primary source. Results? Constipation. But, when a person drinks enough water, normal bowel function usually returns.

 So far, we've discovered some remarkable truths about water and weight loss:

•The body will not function properly without enough water and cannot metabolize stored fat efficiently.

•Retained water shows up as excess weight.

•To get rid of excess water, you must drink more water.

•Drinking water is essential to weight loss.

How much water is enough?

 On the average, a person should drink eight (8) ounce glasses every day. That’s about 2 quarts.

However, the overweight person needs one additional glass for every 25 pounds of excess weight. The amount you drink also should be increased if you exercise briskly or if weather is hot and dry.

 Water should preferably be cold . . .

It is absorbed into the system more quickly than warm water. And some evidence suggests that drinking cold water can actually help burn calories. To utilize water most efficiently during weight loss, follow this schedule:

 Morning: 1 quart consumed over a 30-minute period.

Noon: 1 quart consumed over a 30-minute period.

Evening: 1 quart consumed between 5:00 and 6:00 p.m.

 When the body gets the water it needs to function optimally - its fluids are perfectly balanced. When this happens, you have reached the "breakthrough point." What does this mean ?

•Endocrine-gland function improves.

•Fluid retention is alleviated as stored water is lost.

•More fat is used as fuel because the liver is free to metabolize stored fat.

•Natural thirst returns.

•There is a loss of hunger almost overnight.

If you stop drinking enough water, your body fluids will be thrown out of balance again, and you may experience fluid retention, unexplained weight gain and a loss of thirst. To remedy the situation you'll have to go back and force another "breakthrough."

Donald S. Robertson, MD, M.Sc.

HCG Day 10

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  The most certain way to succeed it always to try just one more time." Thomas A. Edison


So what they say about not being hungry when on the HCG diet, it true for the most part.  I am not technically hungry right now, but I miss food extremely bad, especially starches.  Eating the same foods over and over again gets very boring and blah.  I saw and ad for Malt-O-Meal earlier and said, "Mmmm, Malt-O-Meal.", then a friend pointed out, "That is not something you would normally say 'Mmmm' about."  I very much miss the feeling of having my stomach full of food, you can only replicate that feeling to a point by drinking water, it is just not the same.
I have a pretty good support system, but I really do not know if I can continue this diet for very long.  I just heard my husband open a Twinkie in the other room, and a fellow HCG'er just texted me that she gave in and drank a coke. I want a Twinkie AND a COKE!! I have 2 people that I know of that are doing HCG, but I would love to hear from others, if you know of anyone, please refer them to this blog.
I am in a weight loss competition with 2 other people to see who can lose 15 lbs first.  The current standings are: Me -9.4 lbs, Person 1 -10.2 lbs, Person 2 -3 lbs.  I really think that this competition is the only thing right now that is keeping me inspired to stick with the 500 calories a day.  Can't wait to see what I lose over the next few days, that will probably be what will determine whether or not I stick with it.
My husband and I, along with a few other family members and friends, will be participating in our first Warrior Dash in Kansas City on July 30th.  I am really looking forward to trying to do something that I never would have attempted before.  Unfortunately, I can not train for this until I am done with the diet, because I am not taking in enough calories to do anything very strenuous.  I would also like to hear from those of you that have participated in a Warrior Dash.