Happy to be Home

After cheating on my very low calorie diet, I felt amazing!  I decided that I was going to have to give it up and just lose the weight slower.  I have actually had the energy to exercise, and even though I have definitely 'felt the burn' it has felt great.  I have gained back a few lbs, but I am still below what I was when I started the diet, so hopefully it will stay that way. But... if I have done my math correctly, I will have to mow the yard for four hours and run 15 miles today, just to make up for all of the crappy kind of calories that I ate yesterday (in case you couldn't guess, that is NOT going to happen).
Lexi and I left the house at 4:00 a.m. yesterday morning and headed to Tulsa.  A very good friend of mine lost her 16 year old nephew who lived in Tulsa in a car accident, and Lexi and I went to the funeral.  You should read this: http://www.floralhaven.com/obituary/user/show/template?id=44670 
That does not even come close to describing the wonderful young man that I did not know, but heard so many good things about, and who was an inspiration to many.
First of all, I need to mention that I do not believe that I fully function on anything less than eight hours of sleep.  In order to attend the funeral, I had to get my homework done that was due Friday, so I stayed up until about 11:00 Thursday night completing it, then woke up at 3:40.  I had packed water and apples in an attempt to eat healthy, but I screwed that up within five minutes of the house, by getting a cappuccino to wake my lazy butt up.  When we got to Springfield, Lexi was hungry and wanted McDonald's.  I pull up to the drive-through and look at the menu, as silly as it sounds, I feel like I need to choose really fast so that the car behind me doesn't have to wait.  I do not see anything that I think I can eat while driving that looks even remotely healthy, so I go for broke and order my favorite food from McDonald's, a sausage and cheese bagel.  I do not think there is anything on the breakfast menu that is more unhealthy than that.
As we drive through Oklahoma on I-44/Will Rogers Turnpike, we decide that we better have a snack just in case the funeral takes  really long time, so we won't be starving by the time it is over.  Good decision 1 of 2 for the day, we each eat an apple.  We also shared an apple with the man working at the toll booth, after he commented on how good it looked and offered to pay me for one, lol.
My friend had asked me to stay after the funeral and have lunch with them.  We did and it was great food provided by her sister's wonderful church family.  Although I did very good eating small servings, I think I tried a little bit of everything, including cheesecake.  It seems like once I screw-up, the entire day is screwed-up.
On our way home we stopped at the McDonald's that is over I-44 in Vinita, OK(I think), because Lexi had never been there.  Lexi had an ice cream cone and a strawberry-banana smoothie, I ordered unsweetened tea and ate another apple after we got back in the car.

The view out the window.

 We are looking out the window and you can see the reflection of the road and my arm and phone in my sunglasses.

The inside of the elevator was painted bright yellow!

We stopped at my sister's house and ended up going out to eat with her.  We ate Mexican and I really do think that I did much better than I used to.  I only ate a few chips and I stopped eating when I was full (Lexi then finished my food).  We had a wonderful time, the little restaurant had a man singing country music songs and he was very entertaining.  Kimber also chose to entertain everyone by dancing for the majority of the time.  I was exhausted by the time we left, Nixa.  By the time we got to Ava, we had been gone from the house for 17 hours and I really felt the need for just a little more caffeine before the last 30 miles, so I had a Cherry Coke.

Man singing at Mexican restaurant

Instead of being upset with myself for all of the screwing up that I did yesterday (because that never works out good for me), I asked myself what I had learned, and it was a LOT.

• Love your family and friends everyday as if it were the last, you never know when they may not be here anymore.
• It is easier to make bad choices when I am tired.
• Be the type of friend that your friends need you to be, step-up when necessary, and step-back when necessary.
• It is easier to make good choices when I plan ahead (bringing apples and water).
• I may have made some bad choices, but they are a major improvement over my choices just a few months ago.
• Although he has the ability to make me really mad sometimes; I have a really awesome husband!

I am really sore this morning from driving all day yesterday and I am pretty sure some treadmill time will help. I am headed to the basement to work on paying that ransom that the fat girl is demanding in exchange for the skinny girl!  Have a great stormy day, I am going to!

Weekend Weight Gain... Really??

So I get up this morning and weigh, just like every other morning.  If you could imagine the probability, after the weekend, like almost every other weekend; I gained weight.  Jim weighs right after I do and I weigh exactly 2 lbs more than him.  I tried to play it off like the fact that I have gained 2.5 lbs does not bother me because I expected it.  He didn't leave for work for a couple of hours this morning because it was raining.  I spent the entire two hours convincing myself that I was not going to cry, that I just needed to get back at it, and I eat an apple for breakfast.
After he leaves, I cry anyway.  I know that it never does anybody any good to wallow in self pity, but this morning I have no ambition to stop the wallowing.  Then I get myself an ice cream sandwich, might as well eat something good while I sit here and cry.
On Saturday morning, I ate an apple for breakfast then ran/walked 2 miles on the treadmill.  We then went to my sister's house to help her move, but I did very little work.  I ate 2 Taco Bell chicken soft tacos for lunch, drank a Diet 7-up, and then ate 2 pieces of Domino's pepperoni pizza and 1 bread stick for dinner.
On Sunday morning, I ate oatmeal for breakfast, walked 2 miles outside with the girls, ate a ham and turkey sandwich with lettuce and a Laughing Cow cheese wedge instead of mayo, and 1 serving of Ruffles potato chips, then an ice cream sandwich, then a very small taco with sour cream for dinner.  I added all of this into the calorie calculator website www.myfitnesspal.com and it says that on Saturday I was under my calories by 78, under my carbs by 53, over my fat by 13, over my sodium by 51.  On Sunday it says: I was over my calories by 14, under my carbs by 50, over my fat by 19, and under my sodium by 735.  The recommended numbers that it uses, is what I should be doing if I want to lose weight.
I realize that what I ate is definitely not appropriate if you are trying to lose weight, but really?  This is how bad I have to eat for two days, to have to spend the entire next week getting rid of it?  I also realize that by my age, I should accept the fact that life is not fair, but it's not!
It is very frustrating to work and work trying to lose weight, then be able to screw it up so quickly.  Results like this make me want to give up and just live with being fat, it seems like it was so much less disappointing.  I know that I am not the only person that ever does this, or feels this way, and I would love to hear what others do to get out of a funk.

The "F" Word

Yep, I said it! The "F" word is most definitely one of the dirtiest words ever!!  No, not that "F" word, the word failure.
Why didn't I start that new lifestyle change today?
Why didn't I try that new workout video today?
Why didn't I write down my goals today?
Why haven't I set goals for myself at all?
The answer to all of the questions is fear.  Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have a fear of failure.  If we set goals, then we are suddenly going to be held accountable to ourself, and possibly others.  That is a very scary concept, because we don't want to fail.
I think one of the most important factors in whether or not you will succeed is your definition of failure.  I made the decision that I was going to quit smoking, so I posted it on facebook.  I sure did not want to have to admit to everyone on facebook that I had failed!  Two days into being a non-smoker, I had a really bad day; I bought a pack of cigarettes, smoked two cigarettes then poured water over the rest of the pack and threw them in the trash.  I was thinking that if they were wet, I would not dig them out of the trash.  It would have been really easy at that point to continue smoking, what did I have to lose, I had already failed.  This is the point where your definition of failing is important.  My goal was to go from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, to being a non-smoker.  So I had to make the decision that by smoking those two cigarettes, I had not failed, I had simply hit a bump in the road of success.  I was only going to be a failure if I allowed myself to give up on my goal, which I didn't.  I am not trying to make this sound like it is easy, it isn't.  I have to give a lot of credit to my support system.  Hearing the words, 'You can do this' and 'I am so proud of you' made a huge difference for me.  You guys know who you are, and I love and appreciate you more than you know.
The same concepts apply to losing weight or exercising.  Just because you give in and binge on something you know isn't healthy, you are not a failure unless you choose to be.  Just because you have skipped a couple of days of exercising, you are not a failure unless you choose to be.  Sometimes the bumps in the road will be so small that you can easily step over them, but sometimes they will be so difficult to get over that you may have to crawl.  Just remember that crawling is better than stopping.
We didn't go to the circus yesterday because apparently I forgot how to read and the circus is next weekend.  Had a wonderful time at the ballgame last night.  My girls made some super cute cheerleaders.  We have had a lot of fun having Kimber here and I think she has had fun too.  I am now going to crawl my lazy butt to the basement and put in some treadmill time.

HCG Day 14 and a Thursday

I am pretty sure that my decision as to whether or not to stick to this HCG diet has been made for me.  I have lost another pound since yesterday, which brings my 13 day total to -11.6 lbs.  I am extremely tired of eating the same foods over and over again, but I don't see how I can not do it for a little while longer, if I continue to lose at the rate that I have been. I had someone tell me that several people they worked with were on the HCG diet, and even the women that were small and did not have that much to lose had done very well on it.  None of them had gained their weight back, but it has not been very long so I am curious as to whether it will stay off. Not sure what happened, but the person that was beating me in our competition to see who can lose 15 lbs first, gained weight since yesterday, so I am beating him as of right now, we will have to see about tomorrow.

This is my crown, as I have officially been appointed the Queen of Klutz.  Not everyone is capable of hurting their ankle, leg, hip, back, and wrist while vacuuming.  Leave it to me!! I stepped backwards onto a bowl that the little guy I was babysitting had just taken off the table, it tipped over, twisting my ankle, unable to recover, I fell backward partially catching myself with my hand, but mostly breaking my fall with my hip on the corner of the bottom trim on the cedar chest.  Although I was in a lot of pain last night, and had trouble sleeping; I feel much better this morning.  My ankle is only slightly swollen and even though I am sore all over, the only place that really hurts is my hip, but even that is not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I think that I would be able to find a way to hurt myself in a round padded room, haha.

Jim and I went to the 3rd quarter award assembly at the school this morning.  It was great!! Justus got the March DOGS Award for Fairness and Outstanding Attendance.  Jaima got on the Honor Roll w/straight A's. Alexis got on the Honor Roll and Bulldog Student Leader.  Lexi had hoped for this award because next quarter would have been her last chance to get it.  In her frustration at not getting it last quarter, she said, "How much more of a student leader can you be than being Student Council President?"  The speech that her teacher gave about her when presenting the award was actually kinda emotional.  The lady sitting next to me whose daughter had also received one said, "It almost makes you want to cry, huh?"  I am so very proud of all 3 of them.

(Couldn't get a picture of Jaima, but I tried.) 

Thursdays are very hard on my diet.  Jim works on Saturdays, so he has off on Thursdays and is here all day.  That would not be a problem if his skinny butt did not feel the need to eat, ALL DAY LONG!  So far today he has made himself 2 bacon and egg sandwiches on biscuits.  I am not even really a big fan of biscuits, but when the only starchy food I am getting is Melba toast, any kind of bread sounds appetizing.  I LOVE bacon, and just the smell of it is driving me crazy.  I had to take a break and go make myself a cup of hot tea.  In the past, I had tried to drink a lot of water when I was hungry or having a craving, and it just didn't work.  Hot tea has been the perfect solution for me, it is sweet and it seems to help me relax, just by holding the warm cup, and sipping it.  I have been drinking a cup in the morning, one in the afternoon only if I am really wanting to eat something and have already had my snack, and one in the evening after dinner.  It is decaffeinated tea and I sweeten it with Truvia.  I would love to hear what you guys do when you are having a craving, do you distract yourself with something, if so what, or try to find a healthier alternative, if so what?  We will see how many more yummy creations that he comes up with today for me to envy.  He has been running so he is getting more exercise than me right now, but I only have two more lbs before I will weigh less than him for the first time EVER!
My sister and her husband are closing on their new house tonight, yippee!  I am going to get their little girl, Kimber in the morning, and we are all going to the circus.  Mmmm, circus popcorn.  One day... I will not think about what type of food is going to be where I am going.

Spousal Support

Okay, so in the past, I have never thought that I was an emotional eater, but...  I just really thought that eating that Twinkie would make me feel better.  Of course it didn't, it only made me feel worse for giving in.  I then had a very inspiring phone conversation with a very good friend.  She reminded me that it is okay to screw up, we are all human, we just have to get right back in there.
So instead of fretting over my failure, I am going to remind myself of my success:  It has been 1 month and 9 days since I have smoked woohoo!!
During our conversation, I was also inadvertently reminded that I need to be counting my blessings.  My heart goes out to any parent who has to deal with their child being sick.
Even thought the title is 'Spousal Support', I am not referring to money.  After talking to a few other people, I realized that I was not the only person out there who was not only battling their own demons while trying to lose weight, but battling their spouse as well.  There are several reasons for this, but most of them are rooted simply in human nature: Insecurity!
When you are making changes in your life, it can be very upsetting for your spouse to figure out how they fit there.  A spouse that sabotages your self-improvement efforts does not necessarily mean to do so, and it does not mean that they do not care.  They are threatened by you putting so much effort into improving yourself, and they want to know why.
In my own personal experience, I solved this problem by putting myself out there, making myself the vulnerable one.  I truly believe that my husband wanted me to stay fat, and he wanted me to continue smoking so that I was less desirable to others.  I really am not putting my husband down, I just think that was his way of trying to ensure that he didn't lose me.  I have been married to this man for almost 14 years, and I love him with all my heart, but it was still very difficult for me to tell him how I felt.  I told him that I was tired of being fat and that I was going to do something about it.  That I was going to quit smoking, start exercising more, and figure out how to be happy with who I was.  Then I told him that I was not doing this for him, but that I wanted to do it with him.  That I loved him, and wanted to be with him no matter how much I weighed, I just wanted to be able to enjoy our life more by not being miserable.
I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say that he did a 180!  With his confidence boosted, he became more supportive of my efforts than I ever could have imagined.  I have heard the words 'you can do it' and 'good job' more from him in the past 2 months than I think I had the entire time we have been married.  I was able to change the situation simply by changing the way that I approached it.  This may not work for everyone, but I thought I would put my experience out there just in case you want to give it a try.

Water, Water, Water...

Someone posted this on a forum, I know how I can see an immediate difference when I drink water, but this article shows just how important it is.  Hope it helps.

Drink half your body weight in ounces daily is key to weight loss.

Incredible as it may seem, water is quite possibly the single most important catalyst in losing weight and keeping it off. Although most of us take it for granted, water may be the only true ”magic potion” for permanent weight loss.

 Water suppresses the appetite and helps the body metabolize stored fat.

 Studies have shown that a decrease in water intake will cause fat deposits to increase while an increase in water intake can actually reduce fat deposits. Here's why . . . The kidneys cannot function properly without enough water. When they don'twork to capacity, some of their

load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to metabolize stored fat into usable energy for the body. But if the liver has to do some of the kidney's work - it cannot operate at full throttle. As a result - it metabolizes less fat - more fat remains stored in the body and weight loss stops.

 Drinking enough water is the best treatment for fluid retention.

 When the body gets less water, it perceives this as a threat to survival and begins to hold on to every drop. Water is stored in extracellular spaces (outside the cell). This shows up as swollen feet, legs and hands. Diuretics offer a temporary solution at best. They force out stored water along with some essential nutrients. Again, the body perceives a threat and will replace the lost water at the first opportunity. Thus, the condition quickly returns. The best way to overcome the problem of water retention is to give your body what it needs . . . plenty of water. Only then will stored water be released. If you have a constant problem with water retention, excess salt may be to

blame. Your body will tolerate sodium only in a certain concentration. The more salt you eat, the more water your system retains to dilute it. But getting rid of unneeded salt is easy - just drink more water. As it is forced through the kidneys, it takes away excess sodium.

 The overweight person needs more water than the thin one.

 Large people have larger metabolic loads. Since we know that water is the key to fat metabolism - it follows that the overweight person needs more water.

 Water helps to maintain proper muscle tone

 Water helps to maintain proper muscle tone by giving muscles their natural ability to contract and by preventing dehydration. It also helps to prevent the sagging skin that usually

follows weight loss - shrinking cells are buoyed by water, which plumps the skin and leaves it

clear, healthy and resilient.

 Water helps rid the body of waste.

 During weight loss, the body has a lot of waste to get rid of - all that metabolized fat must be shed. Again, adequate water helps flush out the waste.

 Water can help get rid of constipation.

 When the body gets too little water, it siphons what it needs from internal sources. The colon is a primary source. Results? Constipation. But, when a person drinks enough water, normal bowel function usually returns.

 So far, we've discovered some remarkable truths about water and weight loss:

•The body will not function properly without enough water and cannot metabolize stored fat efficiently.

•Retained water shows up as excess weight.

•To get rid of excess water, you must drink more water.

•Drinking water is essential to weight loss.

How much water is enough?

 On the average, a person should drink eight (8) ounce glasses every day. That’s about 2 quarts.

However, the overweight person needs one additional glass for every 25 pounds of excess weight. The amount you drink also should be increased if you exercise briskly or if weather is hot and dry.

 Water should preferably be cold . . .

It is absorbed into the system more quickly than warm water. And some evidence suggests that drinking cold water can actually help burn calories. To utilize water most efficiently during weight loss, follow this schedule:

 Morning: 1 quart consumed over a 30-minute period.

Noon: 1 quart consumed over a 30-minute period.

Evening: 1 quart consumed between 5:00 and 6:00 p.m.

 When the body gets the water it needs to function optimally - its fluids are perfectly balanced. When this happens, you have reached the "breakthrough point." What does this mean ?

•Endocrine-gland function improves.

•Fluid retention is alleviated as stored water is lost.

•More fat is used as fuel because the liver is free to metabolize stored fat.

•Natural thirst returns.

•There is a loss of hunger almost overnight.

If you stop drinking enough water, your body fluids will be thrown out of balance again, and you may experience fluid retention, unexplained weight gain and a loss of thirst. To remedy the situation you'll have to go back and force another "breakthrough."

Donald S. Robertson, MD, M.Sc.

HCG Day 10

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  The most certain way to succeed it always to try just one more time." Thomas A. Edison


So what they say about not being hungry when on the HCG diet, it true for the most part.  I am not technically hungry right now, but I miss food extremely bad, especially starches.  Eating the same foods over and over again gets very boring and blah.  I saw and ad for Malt-O-Meal earlier and said, "Mmmm, Malt-O-Meal.", then a friend pointed out, "That is not something you would normally say 'Mmmm' about."  I very much miss the feeling of having my stomach full of food, you can only replicate that feeling to a point by drinking water, it is just not the same.
I have a pretty good support system, but I really do not know if I can continue this diet for very long.  I just heard my husband open a Twinkie in the other room, and a fellow HCG'er just texted me that she gave in and drank a coke. I want a Twinkie AND a COKE!! I have 2 people that I know of that are doing HCG, but I would love to hear from others, if you know of anyone, please refer them to this blog.
I am in a weight loss competition with 2 other people to see who can lose 15 lbs first.  The current standings are: Me -9.4 lbs, Person 1 -10.2 lbs, Person 2 -3 lbs.  I really think that this competition is the only thing right now that is keeping me inspired to stick with the 500 calories a day.  Can't wait to see what I lose over the next few days, that will probably be what will determine whether or not I stick with it.
My husband and I, along with a few other family members and friends, will be participating in our first Warrior Dash in Kansas City on July 30th.  I am really looking forward to trying to do something that I never would have attempted before.  Unfortunately, I can not train for this until I am done with the diet, because I am not taking in enough calories to do anything very strenuous.  I would also like to hear from those of you that have participated in a Warrior Dash.

Recipes

My husband and kids are VERY picky eaters!!  Coming up with healthy recipes that my family will actually eat is very difficult!  If you have a great, simple, and healthy recipe, please share it.

Maintaining

Although there have been a some definite ups and downs during the past 5 years, I pretty much maintained my weight at about 180 lbs.  I really am not sure why, but this was okay with me.
I decided January, 1st 2011 that this was no longer okay, I was going to be healthy!  I have a beautiful, healthy family that I want to be a good influence on.  So I started making changes, since then, I have walked/jogged a total of 81.44 miles and counted calories on almost a daily basis.
The change was not happening as fast as I wanted it to, so I decided to try the HCG diet.  I have been doing this for 1 week and I have lost 10 lbs, so I am at 170 lbs.  It is by all means the hardest thing that I have ever attempted in my life!  Eating 500 calories a day, is not very many, especially if you love food as much as I do.
I am taking college classes online, and carry a full-time schedule.  I am not currently working outside of the house but with three kids, a husband, and school I feel like I have a pretty full plate.
I made the decision that I love myself more than I love food, so I can do this, and so can you!!
This is the most recent picture that I have of myself, the blond is my beautiful little sister.

The Turning Point

I planned a big party for Justus's 1st Birthday, and it turned out great.  Lots of John Deere Green!  The day after the party, I had the pictures printed at Wal-Mart.  When I looked at the pictures, I was shocked!  Who was this fat person in so many of these pictures?
Needless to say it was me.  I went back to Wal-Mart the very next day and bought a set of scales, we had not owned any in years.  Although I was still only 5'-2" tall, I weighed in at 235 lbs.
Things were not going well in my marriage, we still argued quite a bit and we were both very unhappy.  I decided that I had to lose weight and get healthier or I was never going to be the type of involved, fun wife and mom that I wanted to be.  I also had to do something to make myself feel better, as I was no longer getting those 'feel goods' from my marriage.  There were people, including Jim that thought my weight loss efforts, were to make it easier to find a replacement, if we split up.  He was very threatened by me wanting to look better, when I had neglected myself for so long.  I was too insecure and embarrassed to have the nerve to put myself out there and tell him that I wanted to be skinny with him, and that I loved him with everything that I had.
He was not supportive of my efforts, but I tried anyway.  I started taking a prescription diet medicine, and continued to take it for 3 months.  I wish that I had done a better job of recording my progress, but I didn't.
By the time Jim and I separated in August of 2005, I weighed 165 lbs.  I had lost 70 lbs in about 6 months.  I know a lot of people lose weight when they are stressed, but more people, like myself usually gain weight with stress, so I will not attribute my loss to stress.
We did not get back together until February of 2006.  Until that time I had maintained at about 170 lbs.
Pictures from around the time that I realized how badly I needed to lose weight.  I really do not have very many pictures from that time, because I just refused to let people take my picture.

Justus Robert DeVries

I loved my girls with all of my heart, but I still really wanted a boy.  Now that I have one, I love him so much and I don't want him to grow up and replace me with a wife!!  Yes, I know it is silly, but lot's of you think it, even if you won't admit it. 
When we finally moved in to our house, Jaima was almost 2 and Lexi was just over 4.  Jim and I had been arguing quite a bit, but we did not have any major issues, so we both assumed that the arguing would pass.  We did not decide to have a baby to make things better between us.  We had decided shortly after Jaima was born that we would have 1 more and we just felt like the time was right.  I got pregnant with Justus in May of 2004.  My pregnancy was pretty much the same as with Jaima.  My starting weight was about 190 lbs and when he was born, I weighed about 210 lbs.
Jim and I continued to argue throughout my pregnancy and after Justus was born.  I truly did not realize that instead of losing weight after I had a baby, I had continued to gain weight for a year.
Justus is now a crazy, adorable 6 year old little man...

Jaima Raye DeVries

Not long after Jim came home from Japan, we decided that it would be nice for Lexi to have a sibling.  One thing that I had forgotten to mention before now is that I started smoking when I was 16.  I quit when I found out I was pregnant with Lexi, then when she was only a month old, at a family Christmas gathering, I ended up starting again.  I do want to add that I have never smoked in my house, I have always went outside.
In November, 2000, just after my 21st birthday, I found out I was pregnant with Jaima.  I had already quit smoking in anticipation of becoming pregnant, but I decided to try to be healthier.  I really think I was thinking that I needed to take better care of myself for the babies sake rather than my own.  I walked on the treadmill during my entire pregnancy. At about 5 months, I started having a lot of contractions, turned out I was not getting enough water.  I started drinking a gallon of water everyday and I felt wonderful the entire time.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, I weighed about 190 lbs and the day Jaima was born, I weighed 202 lbs.  I nursed Jaima and did not start smoking again until she was almost 11 months old.
When Jaima was 2 months old, we moved back home to Gainesville.  We lived with my parents for a couple of months, then rented a tiny house.  We were in the tiny house for longer than we had anticipated, because it was harder than we had thought to find and buy a house that we wanted.
Jaima is now a gorgeous, very intelligent 9 year old...

The Leg

In the year after Lexi was born, I throughly enjoyed life, but I did not lose the weight that I had gained.  I have learned since then that losing weight requires you to be selfish to a point.  You have to specifically devote time to yourself and as a new mom I did not do that. I maintained around 190 lbs that year, and then disaster struck.  
On October 18th, 1999, we had spent the evening with the people I babysat for and left an already sleeping Lexi overnight with them, as I was supposed to be there to babysit at 6:30 the next morning.  The next morning we walked out the door at about 5:45 while it was still dark outside, and for some reason the outside lights in our apartment complex were not turned on.  Jim was doing something and went ahead and walked out the door, I was carrying a travel mug of hot chocolate and a small box containing a baby blanket that I needed to mail to my sister-in-law.  There were 6 or 7 stairs then a landing and another 6 or 7 stairs outside that you had to go down to leave the apartment.
On the first set of stairs, I looked down and thought that there was only one stair left, I stepped on it with my left foot, then took a bigger step and turned some with my right foot expecting to be on the landing.  There had been another step that I had not seen and it was a long drop before my right foot landed.  My first reaction when I fell was to reach for my left ankle because it hurt, my right wrist was also hurting, I later found out that they were both only severely sprained.  Then I saw my right leg and screamed for Jim.
I was wearing Reebok tennis shoes and the outside of the sole was touching my calf.  My ankle socket had disconnected from my leg bones and my foot was pretty much turned upside down.  When my foot had landed, my ankle had turned outward, breaking my ankle socket in 3 places and breaking my fibula (the smaller bone on the outside of the calf) in 2 places.  I really was not in that much pain, I was barely crying and was completely calm and under control.  My neighbor Max Jenkins sat there with me praying, which really helped me to stay calm, while Jim was trying to figure out what to do.
Remember that I was weighing in at 190 lbs and Jim who is 6' tall weighed about 140 lbs.  He could have picked me up, but they could not figure out how to get me down the remaining stairs without hurting me, so they decided to call the ambulance.  We lived right across the street from the hospital, and the ambulance arrived very quickly, but they did not have any idea's for getting me down the stairs either.  They had me go down on my butt, and one of them put a hand under my leg to stabilize my ankle, not realizing my leg was also broken, that was when the pain began!  The duct taped a pillow around my leg, then put me on the stretcher and took me to the hospital.
Thankfully the drugs came quickly, and I felt fine while they explained to me that they were going to transfer me to another hospital to have surgery.  They kept me pretty much sedated during the transfer and until the surgery and I do not really remember anything until sometime the next morning, when the anesthesia was wearing off.  I had been in surgery for almost 6 hours and now had 3 screws in my ankle that were each 2" long, and a 6" plate in my leg with six small screws holding it in place.
My Grandma Barb came to CA to take care of me and Lexi while Jim was at work, then a few weeks later Lexi and I flew back to Missouri with her.  I could not get Lexi in or out of her crib or carry her, and she had only been walking for a little over a month.  It was quite a while before they started weaning me off of the hard core narcotic pain killers, so I had to rely on someone else to take care of Lexi all the time.  One of the screws in my ankle went in one side of my ankle socket, through my leg bone, then into the other side of my ankle, so until this screw was removed I was not allowed to put any weight on it.
They removed the screw after 12 weeks and just told me to walk on it like normal.  Wish I had known that if I had had physical therapy, I might have a better range on motion in it now, but it was never mentioned.  Jim came back on leave for Christmas, and then left for six months on a deployment to Okinawa, Japan.
During all this time of inactivity, I gained weight, and cared very little about what I looked like.  I missed Jim, and my independence, and ended up moving back to California in April even though Jim would not be back until June.  I made this trip with one of my favorite people EVER, my friend Amanda Pitchford.  She stayed with me until just a couple of weeks before Jim got home, so that I didn't have to stay by myself.  Then Jim came home....

Alexis Kendra DeVries

In those 10 short days that Jim was home after boot camp, we did what most newlyweds do, a lot.  Although there was a definite effort to prevent it, I ended up pregnant. Although it was not planned and very unexpected, I was beyond excited when I found out on Friday, March 13th 1998.
When Jim and I moved to Oceanside, California in June, I was 4 months pregnant and had gained 1 lb. Everything was going great and I was healthier than I had ever been.  Then the real world kicked in.  We lived in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment that we could barely afford, and found out what it was like to have full-time adult responsibilities.  Jim worked long days, most of the time being gone from the house for at least 12 hours sometimes longer.
I had always been a very social person, and I found myself alone.  My pregnancy was already showing and I figured it would be a waste of time to try to find a job at that point. Cell phones were not popular like they are now, and there was no way that I could afford to talk on the phone to my friends and family, because long-distance calls cost way to much.  I really missed my mom and did get to talk to her quite a bit, but not near as much as I wanted to. Not only did we have very little money, we only had one car, so I only went somewhere during the day if I had a doctors appointment.  On those days, I would have to take Jim to work and pick him up, it was quite a drive, so I stayed home most of the time.
Looking back, I can now admit that I was depressed.  I really did not realize it at the time, because I really was happy that I was pregnant, and I was very happy with my relationship with Jim.  I sat at home by myself, watched tv, and ate a lot of peanut butter and toast sandwiches. I gained an outrageous amount of weight during the rest of my pregnancy, and weighed about 205 lbs when Alexis was born.
Here is a picture of Alexis, who is now a beautiful, loving 12 year old.

My Weight Loss Journey

So I for the past three months, I have been keeping a very detailed diary of my weight loss efforts.  This diary includes almost everything that I ate, and how much exercise I did everyday.  I also decided to add how I was feeling for the day, both physically and mentally.  Then, I decided to blog about my entire journey, in hopes that if only one person out there is inspired by it, I have helped to make a difference.
My journey has technically been going on my entire life, I have never been happy with what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  I am 5'-2" short, and I had shot up like weed in 6th grade, I was the tallest person in the entire grade for a while.  In a few short months, I was also blessed with my DD breasts.  I was a little chubby at the time, but I was still pretty small to have these huge boobs, that all of the kids in school seemed to be amazed by.  This was anything but good for my self-image.
All through high school, I weighed between about 130 and 145.  I was not athletic at all, and I got very little exercise.  I never really considered myself one of the fat kids, just constantly on the verge of being one of them.  I was very involved in a lot of activities and organizations and I worked a part-time job at Pizza Hut for almost 2 years.  I really enjoyed my high school experience, but looking back, I think it would have been so much more fun if I didn't always have to be the girl that wore a shirt over her swimsuit at the lake.  In August of my Senior year, I met Jim at Pizza Hut and fell madly in love.
Like the silly teenagers in love that we were, we ended up getting married on November 1st, 1997 while I was still in high school.  We did this with full intentions of me living with my parents until after graduation, as Jim had joined the United States Marine Corps and would be gone to boot camp and school until that time anyway.  He left for boot camp on November 17 and graduated on Friday, February 13th.  His mom and I went to his graduation in San Diego, CA which was the first time I had ever been on an airplane.  The trip was an awesome experience, and I was so proud of Jim.  This is technically when my difficulty with my weight began to be an issue...